Change Sucks.

So, remember when I talked about how it was May and all the things were happening because of that?

Well, that actually hit me pretty hard this last week.

Last week was very full for me:

Monday – drive home from my sister’s (a chore in itself, a car full of family for almost 6 hours) and get ready for returning to life as usual.

Tuesday – school, first day of WSI (Water Safety Instructor) certification class. I got home a little after 9:00 pm.

Wednesday – school, and homework for aforementioned WSI class. I finished working a little after 9:00 again.

Thursday – school, WSI class. I got home – are you sensing a pattern? – a little after 9:00.

Friday – school, work training from 4:00-7:00.

Thursday night is when I had a breakdown. I had a relatively discouraging evening; a large part of WSI class is fine-tuning our own swimming, because we should know how to swim in order to teach children how to swim. That night, we spent half of our time in the water working on breast stroke; that stroke has given me a lot of trouble for a couple years now, because of an unfortunate occurrence with dancing and my hip. My hip is funky now.

Needless to say, I didn’t perform at a breathtaking level on that stroke. I was informed of this. It made me upset, because I couldn’t do it much better than that.

I went home, feeling distressed about that, and worried it would hold me back from passing the final swimming portion of the exam. I was also running on not very much sleep, had been working long days all week, and been working frantically to get all my WSI coursework done the whole week prior.

The final straw was when I couldn’t get the Red Cross document I needed for class to load.

I spent over an hour finagling with the thing, and it still wouldn’t work, and I was tired and glum as previously mentioned, and this all culminated in me weeping profusely.

I went to bed, and my mother, upon finding me (still glum and quite sedentary) the next morning, made the executive decision to leave me home from school on Friday to sleep and hopefully ward off the feeling of hopeless incompetence.

Though sleep was a step in the right direction, I still felt pretty hopelessly incompetent on Friday. I did my training (3 hours worth of pay, yay) and came back home, and all was … fine. But not great.

Upon further dissection, my good parents and I have figured out why what was simply a full week resulted in a complete emotional meltdown:

  1. I was working on too little sleep. (Long days, my tendency to stay up later than I should, and my general broken-headed state requires more sleep than we’d like.)
  2. I have a few emotionally taxing things on my mind, of late. My friends are all graduating, which is a larger emotional toll than I thought it’d be, my headache problems continue to be a problem, and I’m getting an MRI to make sure there aren’t any other factors we don’t know about, which stresses me out, I still haven’t heard from Pioneer about the script, and I have kind of a lot riding on me passing this WSI class.
  3. I’ve been watching what I eat more lately (pat me on the back, please) and we think that’s resulted in some deficiencies in good vitamin-y stuff I need.

So, it is now Sunday, and I’m taking B-vitamin supplements (a deficiency in B-vitamins can lead to unfortunate emotional issues – sound familiar?), have slept a lot, gotten some more work that I need to do done at a more leisurely pace, and am feeling better. Still not great, but a lot better.

I have another full week this week (Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday WSI classes (tests on Saturday), work training on Wednesday, graduation on Thursday, and various graduation parties all through the weekend). So we shall see how it goes. I will endeavor to sleep more, and keep taking the vitamins and I think we’ll be good, because the week of June 3-9 is a week for me to breathe (I also have the MRI that Wednesday, and having it scheduled weirdly made me feel slightly better about it).

A lot of it, I think, was the “things are a’changing” aspects of those things that made me freak out. But just hafta accept it, huh? Everything changes always. And a lot of the time, that turns out okay.

So we’ve just got to get through the rest of godforsaken May, and see how it all turns out.

(On another, more minor note of changing things, I cut, like, 6 inches off of my hair and it’s cute, but it’s giving me a minor identity crisis. But anyway.)

So, I hope this wasn’t too boring or self-pitying. It wasn’t meant to be. I know objectively it probably seems like I’m making a mountain out of a mole hill, but part of this blog is updating all your faces on my life. And this is where my life is right now.

Peace out, my dudes. Until next time.


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