And that’s 98% of my problem with the current situation.
You all should have seen me in the weekend when my school went online and my parents marathoned a road trip to pick me up and take me home. I was rather distraught. Sure, the whole pandemic part of the situation sucked, but everything was out of control.
My handling of the situation was … sub par. There was a lot of weeping involved.
It’s been somewhat better since I got home and classes started. I have something that feels grounding – school work, one heck of an anchor, with the added gratification of good grades.
However I think I’ve been mildly overcompensating with said homework. It’s so nice to not have to think about how freaky the current chaos of the world is, that I’ve been pulling 12-hour workdays on average. When you’re working, you’re busy – you don’t have to think about anything gross, you just do your work. Why not do a little more research? You know, this project would be just a little better if I added this element to it. And you can never fit in quite enough rehearsal time – if I’ve got the time now, why not use it?
This is not very good. Making my apparent calm even more suspect is my sleep – or, rather, lack thereof, since said uprooting of my routines and norm. I can’t fall asleep, and when I do I have weird, unsettling dreams, and then I sleep too late in the day because I got such poor, diminished sleep.
So, I think I’m not fully settled.
I’m trying to remedy it. I’m planning in days where I do no work. I’ve got a plan to get my sleep on a better schedule (involving a couple nights of melatonin to hopefully force my brain to sleep), and I’m planning to make myself be done working for the day by 7 at the latest. Which will be more reasonable if my sleep schedule correction works out properly.
Other than that, I’m also trying to prioritize pleasure reading and writing. If I want to keep busy, I may as well do it with something creative that I find rewarding, you know? And it’s been so long since I’ve had any real time to do either thing. I do have more time now. No rehearsals, fewer total assignments, and the natural petering-off of assignments as semester ends.
Somewhat embarrassingly, it’s been so long that I’ve forgotten things. I kind of don’t remember what my blog posting schedule used to be. Tuesdays, Thursdays … Saturdays? That’s my best guess. I think I have to go to my own FAQ page to confirm.
I also opened The Psychnomast the other day, and I need to read my draft so far before I can do more on it, because I just do not remember what groundwork I’ve laid. I’m about 75 pages in, and I know I sowed some seeds, but I cannot for the life of me recall what they are. Irritating.
But I’m excited to hopefully get a draft done. After semester ends, there will definitely still be a gap before I’m able to start working (if this doesn’t disrupt my summer employment completely). I think if I can have 2-3 days where I write, exclusively, I can finish a draft. Then I might give it a read or two, tweak some things, and then close my chapter with The Psychnomast. I love it as my first real idea and big project, but it’s not something I think I’d ever want published anymore. It’s true juvenalia, and even with the restructuring I did, it’s just not my best work anymore. It’s like a writing time capsule – it’s such an early idea of mine, it will always reflect my younger writing, regardless of how much work I do on it as an improved writer.
With a draft of Psychnomast done that I’m happy to leave that way, I want to start worldbuilding for the world of Suo Gân. It’s going to be a multi-book series, so once I have the world built, I can plan the series arc & then plot the first book (or two). That really, really gets my blood going, because you guys, I am in love with those characters and that world. They are so very, much more, baffingly easy to write than Psychnomast is. That’s a series I think I’d want to publish. It maketh me happy.
Anywho. That’s all. I hope you are all doing well in this weird time – how are you? Comment if you want. I know there are more of you who read these than my family, I see you come around and disappear like thieves in the night. I can see my blog traffic.
Regardless of whether or not you leave a comment, I hope you’re all okay. And that you stay that way. Keep your brains and body healthy however you can.