So, I went to DC. Again. Almost two weeks ago. I went for my audition at the school I would very much like to attend.
For their musical theatre program.
It was kind of a big deal.
The first day, we toured the school, and I fell even more deeply in love with it. Like, the kind of love that makes me pretty willing to plunge myself into years’ worth of debt to go there.
(That disturbance in the universe was the huge intake of breath that just happened in my brother-in-law’s household upon reading those words. Chill out. I kid, I kid. Mostly).
But seriously, I think it’s perfect for me. It checks every box. It more than checks every box. It fills every box in, boldly.
So, the pressure for the audition rose another few clicks.
We looked around DC, because you can’t not. Saw the Washington Monument, hit a few Smithsonians, went to the National Gallery of Art. (My favorite. They had six original Van Goghs. LOVE Van Gogh).
The next day was the day. The big one. The audition. I woke up and immediately wanted to die.
Anyway, my mother forced me to eat breakfast. Because apparently that’s important.
We left the hotel very early, because I am a small, paranoid child. We got there half an hour before the audition was supposed to start.
There are three elements to musical theatre, and, as such, the audition:
The audition started with an hour long dance class. The dance instructor (really cool, 10/10, would take a class from her again) structured it as barre work, ballet/jazz across the floor, and then some choreographer together in the center.
I did very well at the barre, mediocrely across the floor, and … not well for the actual choreography.
I don’t feel that bad about it, though, because no one really excelled at it. It was professional choreography, and very few of us had actually been trained in dance (beyond learning choreography for shows). It was very obviously a “throw the hardest stuff at the newbies to see what they can handle” kind of thing. So I’m not all that worried about the dance portion.
I had the second audition. They asked us to prepare two songs and two monologues.
I have been working on my two songs and monologues for months. I got ready to go in, shaking and hardly breathing.
The student escorting us in stopped me in front of the door.
“Okay, look at me.”
“Deep breath in-” with his big, swooping hand motions, we sucked a whole bunch of air in-“and out.” Our breath came out in a big whoosh.
He smiled. “Break a leg.”
I smiled back.
And as I walked into the audition, a weird calm settled over me. I smiled, gave the pianist my music. I performed. (I even felt good while I did it, and felt well received). I left, with a smile and a “thank you.”
Immediately as I left, the nerves came back and the CRIPPLING INSECURITY set in.
I questioned whether my performance had actually been good or I was just delusional. I was sure everyone else there was leagues better than me.
Since then, I’ve kind of been flip flopping between confidence in my acceptance and despair at my inevitable rejection.
The audition did a really weird number on my confidence.
I’m mostly settling down, now. (As you would hope. It’s been a week and half). I’m just waiting to get my letter, which should come sometime this week, and what will be will be.
Even if I don’t make it this time, I can go to the school in their theatre program and re-audition at the end of my Sophomore year for the musical theatre program. And I think that’s what I’m going to do.
Because, musical success or not, I really did love the school. And I adore the city.
All in all, DC was very worth it.
But it was also certainly a very big deal.
(Stay tuned for the results. I wait on tenterhooks for my Hogwarts Letter. I mean, CUA Letter.)