I’m not dead.
I kind of feel like it, but I’m not.
I also just spent about forty-five minutes gathering the willpower to actually pick up my computer and open it.
Also, WordPress changed things again. I hate it when they do that. Then I have to figure out how they work.
It was only, like, one change, though, so it’s okay, I guess. I’m decently smartish.
I also checked my stats while I was here because … I like disappointment, I guess?
However, I was pleasantly not disappointed! You people keep checking the blog, even when I’m away for a month. You’re so sweet.
“But, why were you away for a month?”
Now, I think that’s kind of self-explanatory, given the nature of my most recent post (you know … the one I made a month ago … yes, not my proudest moment), but I should probably actually lay it out for those of you that aren’t my friends or immediate family.
So, last post, I said I was all dandy.
Weeeellll, turns out, that was less than true.
A couple of days after I destroyed a car, I started exhibiting (is that how you spell exhibiting? I can’t remember and I don’t feel like checking) some supremely annoying concussion and whiplash symptoms. Hurt to move, hurt to breath, light hurt my eyeballs, couldn’t focus my eyes, head hurt, yada yada.
So we went to the doctor and they made me sit in a dark room doing nothing for five days.
You think I’m exaggerating, but I’m not. I sat in a dark room. Doing nothing. For five. Days.
Okay, so I did listen to things against doctors’ orders, because I would actually be insane right now if I didn’t. I listened to all of Pride and Prejudice (which is quite good, by the way, highly recommend) in the first day. Which I probably shouldn’t have done, since it was a 12 hour audiobook, but I did. And I listened to much music.
ANYWAY, at the end of five days, I felt much better. Not all the way, but much. We went back to the doctor, and she told me I could slowly start going back to my classes. Starting with one a day, and working my way up.
So, that’s what I did. By last week and the first two days of this week, I was up to full days of school and normal extracurricular activities. (Oh, I’m also in Physical Therapy for my Whiplash. Just a side note. Relevant? I dunno, but there it is.)
However, in all that time I have never been headache free, even for a second, and I still occasionally have trouble focusing my eyes and some photo-sensitivity–not ideal, especially a month after I banged my head in what was supposed to be a minor concussion.
The last couple days, I’ve been feeling worse. My head’s been hurting pretty bad, and doesn’t feel like it’s getting better. So I’ve been home from school again, something that fills me with some significant melancholy.
Being me, I’ve decided my brain is probably hemorrhaging at an alarming rate and I’ll probably die soon, but that’s probably not even close to reality, even though it’d be far more dramatic.
But basically, I’ve got another doctor’s appointment set for Wednesday that we’re trying to move to tomorrow, because I’ve got this Theatre festival this weekend that I probably shouldn’t go to, but really want to, so we kind of want a professional, medical opinion, even though it probably won’t be what I want to hear.
So, I guess, that’s where I am health-wise. I figured you should know? I guess if you don’t, you’ve stopped reading at this point.
But why am I back if all of this is going down? Should I even be looking at screens and doing this?
I don’t know. I know that this past month has been hitting me pretty hard on all fronts. Physical, obviously, but also emotionally and mentally. I’ve found myself feeling pretty down and feeling pretty helpless and useless, and I reeeeaaally don’t like that feeling.
My sister emailed me the other day and said:
And I knew she was right. I’d thought about writing a post several times, but I was always exhausted, and when you lose so much traction it’s hard to gain it again.
But here I am. I decided a good way to combat the melancholy “I’m a useless lump” feelings would be to, you know, do something. So you get a long, rambly post. Lucky you, right?
I’m going to write a real post soon. It’s going to be about Boy Scouts. Get pumped.
Thanks for sticking around.
P.S. I got half way through proof-reading this before posting it and got tired. So I’m not proof-reading half of it. Sorry if there’s some egregious error or something in that last half. I trust someone will point it out. I’m hitting publish now.