I Should Just Never Leave the House 

Okay, so, it is 5:56 in the am. I am sitting on a plane, departure set for 6:00, and I am writing this on the infuriatingly tiny keyboard of my phone. 
This is all well and good, but I was supposed to be doing this an hour ago.

Yeah. Did I mess up? I certainly messed up.

Okay, before I go into the details of what a hot mess I am, I just want the world to know that I’m watching an ant crawl on the wall of this plane, and I want to know what it’s like for an ant to live life airborne. Is he an adventure ant, seeking new horizons for antkind?

Anyway. Back to my failures.

I’m going to D.C. today. I was supposed to be on the 5:00 am connecting flight so I could meet my family and flight scheduled to leave at 8:00. So, the plan was to get up at 3:00 and hit the airport.

I was not pleased with this plan, but to get to D.C., it was worth it. So I set my alarm for 3:00 and was in bed, lights off, at 9:45.

Unfortunately,  I live in constant pain, (oooh the plane just took off, light headed) so I couldn’t sleep. I tossed and turned until midnight, trying to find a more comfortable position. My foot was having none of it.

So I got up for a bit and popped four more ibuprofen over top of the two I’d already taken and laid there, waiting for them to make me hurt less so I could sleep.

The last thought I remember having is glancing at the clock, seeing that it read 1:43, and thinking, “Aw crap, I only get an hour fifteen.”

Well, LUCKY FOR ME, I got more like 2 hours 45.

Because my NEXT memory is my mother in my room at 4:30, the time my 5:00 am flight was boarding, saying, “So you’re not going to D.C.?” But it was really less of a question and more of an exclamation that got its desired effect of causing me to launch out of bed, gasping “Oh _shit_.”

So I threw on shoes, brushed my teeth so quick I could have given Usain Bolt a run for his money, and got in the car. Mom got me on the 6:00, and I pulled up my boarding pass on my phone.

“But you literally said you set your alarm, dummy.”

Yes. I know. Turns out, the ONE TIME you don’t triple-check that you’re alarm is set, you somehow missed the button and it’s not. And then you spend the entire ride to the airport with, “Oh sweet mother of mercy I’m going to miss my flight to D.C. because I overlsept,” on a loop in your head.

So I got to the airport and stood in the TSA line, realizing I looked super nervous and thinking, “I look nervous because I’m just a wee child doing this all by myself, not because I’m going to blow up the plane.”

I had to go through the super creepy body x-ray thingy, but other than that I was solid, so now I’m on this plane. The only thing now is if I miss my flight to the actual capital of the US, which would be a bummer because we got the White House tour and I need to live out that dream I had a few months back that I met Trump while on a White House tour, and I can’t do that from an airport that’s the span of a country away from the White House.

So, we’ll see. 


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