I just completed my last week at the school I’ve been going to.
I made a really tough decision around December; I decided that I wanted to transfer. Mom works at a different school, anyway, so it would be simple to just hitch a ride with her and go there, anyway, and I had friends at that school, too.
It wasn’t that the school I’ve been at was inherently evil. I loved the people, and I enjoyed the majority of my classes. It just felt … wrong.
Which seemed to be a terribly dissatisfying explanation when I started telling people. Conversations about my transferring tended to follow this formula:
Me: Hey, so, I’m, uh … I’m transferring to the school my mom works at.
Me: Because I just haven’t been very happy here. It hasn’t felt like my school, ya know?
Friend: Well, yeah, but, I mean … couldn’t you at least have tried to make it work? You’ve only been here half a year!
Me: I haven’t really been happy, though. You can’t force yourself to enjoy something that you just don’t enjoy, and I have the readily available option of going to a different school. I’ll miss you a lot, but I think this is best for me.
And then it’d start all over again.
Of course, not everyone was like that. It varied from person to person.
My very good friends were amazingly supportive. They were sad, of course, but they encouraged me to go for it if it’d make me happy. We also promised to stay in touch, of course, and naturally we were going to hang out all the time.
But then there was the opposite. There were a couple people that I considered friends, but just couldn’t seem to understand why I was leaving. They seemed disappointed in me, really.
Could I just not handle school? Why would I abandon them like I was? Was it grades, because I could OBVIOUSLY just try harder, and that problem would be solved. Why not just finish out the year?
It was really hard to face the few who reacted like that. Their comments made me feel like I was being cowardly, and perhaps I could just stay and tough it out. This week being my last, I was having a very tough time, and those thoughts got more persistent as those few people pointed out to me that “You’re the one who made this decision, why do you have any right to be so upset about this?”
But I realized that it’s not cowardly to remove yourself from a situation that’s making you miserable, and keeping yourself in that situation to “tough it out” or “just try harder and you’ll be fine” is doing yourself a disservice.
I realized that, no matter how badly I will miss the company of my friends (most of whom were amazing and helped me through the hardships of this decision), this was the right choice and I will be happier for it, and, if I try, I can and will maintain my relationships with those people.
And those people who couldn’t seem to understand and tried to make me feel bad for my decision?
My amazing friends helped me realize that those people don’t matter, and obviously don’t have my best interests at heart, and I shouldn’t listen to them and try to understand that they are probably just upset that I’m going.
It was sort of a profound experience for me, this decision. I don’t like change most times, and I had decided to inflict it upon myself. It was a whole new experience for me.
I also hadn’t realized how many people appreciated me for me. As people found out, they came to me, genuinely upset not to be around me every day. It was very eye-opening for me. People thought I had actually done things for them, when I thought I had just been their friend. People were telling me that they wouldn’t have made any friends without me, that I had helped them so much in classes, and other things along those lines. It was so humbling.
You know what they say, you don’t know what you have until it’s gone.
But I don’t think it IS gone; I think this is just a change, not an end. I’m going to do my utmost to remain friends with those people I’ve befriended, and I know they are amazing enough to do better without me than they ever would have, had I stayed. 🙂
Changes may be hard, but they happen for a reason.