We Have No Food

Yeah, we do. Have food, that is.

It’s just that I’m hungry and we don’t have any food that I want to actually eat. Which seems to be a trend lately.

You see, my dearest parents decided, a few years ago, that we were going to start buying healthy(er) food. Which meant our stopping buying delicious empty-calorie food and starting buying what I so fondly refer to as “old people food.”

I don’t get normal cereal, goldfish, saltines, wheat thins…basically anything with a sugar count above eight grams or a fiber count below four grams.

Dad sings All Bran’s praises from the rooftops. He calls it “nature’s perfect food.”

The rest of us call it “little sticks of disappointment,” a term coined by someone in my class, but oh, so accurate.

I would just like to point out, though, that All Bran CAN’T be nature’s perfect food. It’s not like it came off of a tree like that. Heavily processed, my dear Father, heavily processed.

And, okay, I do understand the need for being healthy. I gotcha, parents. But…no Cheerios? Now, that’s kind of depressing.

I frequently find myself hungry and unable to find a snack that suits my fancy.

Craving breakfast cereals is not normal. No, it is not.

Boo hoo for me.

PS You might wonder why I’m writing a second post. Especially so close to the first one. The answer, naturally, is that I’m bored and trying to convince myself that the things I have to do can wait for another forever. Which they can’t. But I believe we’ve already covered that I’m the Queen of Procrastination.

PPS Also I’m really hyper so this post is probably just a rambling chunk of complaints. But that’s okay ’cause you love me. It’s like I have ADD or ADHD or something but it only happens like half the time and the rest of the time I’m pretty rational.


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