Why You Should Never Shower in the Morning

I’m a night-showerer.

It makes more sense to me; you’ve gone through the whole day, so now you’re stinky and sweaty and you’re about to go to sleep, so it’s not like you’ll have opportunity to get MORE stinky and sweaty.

I skipped my shower last night.

So, this morning, I hopped in the shower, because there are few things I hate more than being dirty. Well, that’s not entirely true, but you get my point.

I got out and put on my makeup. Now I smelled better than I previously did and no longer looked completely like a dragon who had been poked and prodded until she eventually crawled out of her cavern.

I went upstairs and got some breakfast. I was consuming said breakfast when my dear, dear mother swept through the room and said casually:

“Sometime today, your Dad wants you to weedwhack.”

My eyes widened and I looked after her retreating form in disbelief.

The ONE time I decide to shower in the morning? The ONE time, THAT’S when Dad decides to have me weedwhack?

Yes, apparently.

I had to do it right then, too. Where I live, it’s the hottest summer anyone can recall for a long while. It wasn’t in the triple digits yet, so right that moment was my only real opportunity. I would’ve just waited until evening, but we’re going to someone’s house for dinner tonight, so that wasn’t really a viable option.

My shower was for naught.

I weedwhacked and just took ANOTHER shower. My hands still smell like gasoline, but that’s not THAT bad. I’ll just wash them obsessively.

So, the moral of the story is: never shower in the morning. Your parents might have something in mind to make you stink again.