I suffer from Baby Rabies.
For those of you unfamiliar with this very serious medical condition, here’s a brief definition for you:
Baby Rabies /ba-bee ra-bees/ noun 1. A disease whose symptoms manifest themselves as being very excitable in the presence of small babies and a persistent and burning desire to hold every baby you see. Ever. Symptoms become worse when deprived of babies.
I was diagnosed with Baby Rabies by my mother a little over a year ago. You see, I am the fourth child of seven children; I’ve been around little kids and babies almost as long as I’ve been alive. Until just recently, there has been a distinct lack of teeny-weeny babies for me to hold and cuddle.
My oldest sister has two kids; but her family lives hours away from me. Besides, the youngest of my nieces is almost two. She’s outgrown being held 24/7.
My youngest brother is three; also too old to be held all the time.
One of my Mom’s friends just had a baby; but they’re out of town all the time. No baby-holding there.
We moved last summer, so we don’t know very many people. All the little babies I see everywhere? I’d hold them! Of course I would! Unfortunately, it’s not really socially acceptable to walk up to strangers and say, “May I hold your baby? He/she’s really cute and I’m suffering from Baby Rabies.” People tend to run away and/or call the cops.
So, I have a dilemma. I want to hold a baby. There are no babies to hold. None of my friends have baby siblings. None of my family has teeny babies.
I. Am. Dying.
My sister is pregnant again, so there’s a speck of light at the end of the tunnel, but I have to wait for the baby to be, you know, born. And then we have to drive for a long time before I can hold said baby.
And babies grow up fast! Have you ever noticed that? You see a newborn baby, you leave, you go back to visit a month later and the baby’s gained ten pounds and five inches!
There’s a very limited window that babies are available to hold. You need to take advantage of this window while it’s open. The window has closed for all the small children in my life.
It’s summer. It’s hot. I need someone to OPEN THE WINDOW.